Fabulousity

My Aunt is the portrait of fabulousity. She is so warm, upbeat and positive that people just clamor to be in her company. The men are mesmerized by her and women from people in my age group, to her peers, teenagers and little girls all want to be like her. Every little girl who meets her thinks she's a princess, and she dotes on them. At a family gathering that was quite somber, she came with her nail polish and gave all the little girls manicures and pedicures. Such a small gesture went a long way, it took the little ones minds off the the sadness that surrounded them and left them with an indelible image of this wonderful person who really lives the credo "always be fabulous."

My Aunt has her own health issues but the unknowing bystander would never pick that up. Even when her hair might not be its luxuriant curly usual, she has on the most fabulous chapeau, stilleto sandals and fabulous jacket all color coordinated to match with her freshly manicured finger and toenails; she always looks as if she just stepped out of a catalog (did you see how many times I had to use the word fabulous?).

If success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration then the ability to overcome health challenges is 10% prescribed and 90% positive attitude.

Aunt, you have that covered girl.

Eyes At the Back Of My Head.

Recently, my eldest came home and asked, "Mummy, do you have eyes at the back of your head too?" She got my full attention with that one..I straightened up my relaxed posture and redirected "why do you ask honey?" You see, that "too"told me that someone in her day's interaction told her about peripheral vision and I thought she took it to mean actual oglers at the rear of the scull!! The fact that she had just come from school narrowed the list of suspects down further and her tone was kind of respectful and awestruck so that said even more.

I did not want to mess with her teacher's legend so I didn't blow the myth totally out of the water, but I certainly wanted to be privy to the root of her inquiry. "My teacher says that she went to college to get eyes at the back of her head so she always sees when kids misbehave!"

It obviously sounded plausible to a six year old, so instead of decanting same I jumped on the band wagon and heard myself saying, "I went to college too honey, yup everyone gets a pair on graduation day!" She then replied with eyes widened in awe, "Wow!! I've got to go to college."

Sometimes its not the journey, its the destination.

She wants to go to college, great!!

Huh?

During the Christmas season, our favorite Chinese food store always gives out calenders. We always get one-what this says about our eating habits I'm trying not to face, or maybe I should look at it as a testament to our fine patronage-whatever it means I don't care but I look forward to this gesture every year.

Now I have a great amount of respect for the oriental culture and also have this expectation that everything coming out of that realm should be steeped in Confucius-like sagacity. So when I unrolled my calender and glimpsed it for the first time the first expression that fell out of my mouth was "Huh?" I have no love for this term in fact, I discourage my children from using it for -huh- just seems so void of expressive content, lacking in imagination and just plain yucky.

But Huh was called for here because my calender that formally showed and explained Chinese year symbols, bonsai trees and dragons had fluffy teddy bears and this mantra, "Be Faithful, Be Tolerant, Be Anticipated, Be Durable." The words didn't even make sense, the four principles did not follow, they seemed so disjointed and inconclusive, Who Did This? Alright, I told myself, get out your dictionary and try to find the common thread.

Faithful = devoted;
Tolerant = to recognise and respect;
Anticipated = to look forward to and
Durable = capable of withstanding wear and tear or decay.

So what was this purveyor of chicken chop suey trying to tell me? If I am devoted; I will be recognised and respected; my dollar will be looked forward to and that would make their establishment capable of withstanding wear and tear or decay! Wow!! Subliminal Chinese food marketing in riddle mantra form. Once after hearing a long contrived conversation of this ridiculous type an exhausted friend of mine said to another friend about her husband, "Does he always over-analyse everything like that?" Sometimes over-analysing is simply fun!

On Tying Laces and Other Such Important Things.

I decided that my youngest needed to learn to tie her shoe laces for many reasons, some more lofty than others. Well you see if she could master seemedly complex processes early, maybe run of the mill processes would not appear intimidating to her (on a more selfish note its just plain easier for her to do it). When she did get the hang of the shoe tying the sense of accomplishment that engulfed her entire demeanor told me that I did right.

But in taking her through the ins and outs of laces, I was able to realise that everything has a process. Additionally, some processes have to frustrate and break you in order to build you up again even stronger. Before I started I researched the project electronically and found that there is actually quite the font of literature on lace tying but because I was not inclined to spend on same, my options were severely limited. That's when I found http://www.newbalance.com/kids/, it has a virtual shoe tying experience which I used to initiate my daughter into the task at hand (please excuse the painful pun) that was both fun and informative to her.

I then had to simplify each step into terminology that could resonate in her memory and evoke visuals enabling her to translate theory into practise. Big words aside, I saw where she understood and had genuine light bulb moments-what a joy to behold-because of terms like "bunny ears" and "bunny mouth". It wasn't all fun and games though because there were times when her aggravation with her little fingers not doing exactly what she wanted, led to tears. But when she worked through those moments the breakthrough followed almost immediately after.

Is that what parenting is about-encouraging children through the trying times because breakthrough works hand in hand with breakdown? I think so.

A Yard Stylee Lexicon.

We Jamaicans are a colorful lot. And nowhere is our color more vibrant than in our speech - I mean we even have our very own curse words which might seem out of place outside of yard but don't mess, they're fighting words anywhere a Red Stripe is sold!!

Thus, being that I know some of same I think it behooves me to document these uniquely Jamaican words (the non fighting kind) - Jamaicanese (if you will) to be used in the correct articulation of our Patois. I think that I also have a responsibility to explain how everyday standard English words have different usage when sprinkled in a particularly combative, or nice, conversation that may occur on any street a yard!

A. Of course we start at the very beginning with the word A. Not A, as in ...a man or... a big car..but the more hard sound -ah- just as how I used it in the previous paragraph, "a yard, " meaning at yard, or to yard - where is he going? ... Him gone a him yard!!

Boomshat. That is the bomb.

Bwoy. Boy or any male of the species.

Caan. Pronounced cyaan. The meaning is cannot or our abridged version of same.

Curu Curu. No specific meaning but if same is inter spliced in pleasant conversation when expletives cannot be used, your listener catches your drift, poste haste. As in, "whey di curu curu wrong with you bwoy?"

Deya. I am here.

Dibi Dibi. I would say this means less significant or less valid. "Nuh dibi dibi gal caan tes dis," in common yard parlance means - there is no less significant girl who can even begin to measure up to my (the speaker's significance.) Always used disrespectfully.

Di. This or the. Not to be confused with....

Dis. This. And of course in the hip-hop culture, the other and perhaps more well known meaning is disrespectful.

Easy. An acknowledgement even more so when followed by "nuh."

Gal. Girl. Be careful, intonation can be the subtle difference as to whether this word is call out to fight or not!!

Gwan. Going on, for instance, "Deya a gwan jam." I am here just going on enjoying myself.

Irie. This is one word with many variations in meaning. Someone may ask, "How are you doing?" "Irie," you reply meaning - good. "Good Morning," the other person's response, "Irie," or good morning to you too. Irie Ites means good vibes. So generally, the word Irie can be interconnected with the word good with changes in nuance as the situation dictates.

Jam. Taking it easy or dancing, chilling.

Mawga. Meager, thin, emaciated.

Mek. As in, "nuh mek mi an yu fight!" - Do not make it happen that you and I fight! or "Mek hais and come" - Make haste and come - come here quickly.

Mi. Me or mine or to show ownership.

Nuh. Frequently used in Jamaica talk, nuh could mean don't, as in "nuh mek mi an yu fight!" Or, an impatient now, as in "come nuh!" Which would tell the person hearing this, "lets go, I'm ready and as we speak I am leaving you behind and am most disgusted with your tardiness!!!"

Nyam. From the Jamaican verb to eat. Present tense would be nyaming, not to be confused with nyamins or food.

Pyaw pyaw. On one level this means, feeble, having no backbone or very jellyfish like. On another level it means a small portion. "Is what kind of pyaw-pyaw food dis yu gi me?" or "why have you given me this small portion of a meal?"

Seckle. Relax yourself!!

Stylee. Style with a reggae lilt.

Wanga. A common 1980s djay rhymed, "Nuh Wanga gut" I think he meant that he does not want a large stomach, Wanga meaning large, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Whey. Where or what. If someone approaches you screaming "Ah whey di...," my advice is to duck and cover your ears as a verbal onslaught is sure to follow.

Yes. A greeting, similar to hello or an acknowledgement of someones presence.

Yush. I am thinking that this means hello or some other similar greeting, hate to say that I am not exactly sure.

To be continued because I am sure that there are some that I have left out!!

The "H" Problem.

An old Jamaican joke unfolds like this,

Boy : Teacha, Arry tek di ammer han it mi hin mi ead!
(Teacher, Harry took the hammer and hit me in my head!)

The teacher in all her didactic glory responds:

Teacher: Hemphasize yu hayches yu hignorant hassss!
(Emphasize your h's you ignorant ass!)

Yup, we have ingrained cultural difficulties with the letter "H" and her partner, the letter "A". The question of when to drop an "H" or how to add an "A" during speech leads to genuine perplexity or, " tie we tongue!" In every echelon of Jamaican society someone knows another who is plagued by this complaint; from the hallowed halls of Jamaica House (quite the hard thing to say for some); amongst the civil service multitude; to the dancehall microphones and back to the farmer at his ground, some of us are just like that or "tan suh!"

Through diligent observation I've come to realize that this enigma is a dinosaur reminiscent of a bygone era. The indentured labourers, pirates and landowners whose cultural input with the passage of time has virtually disappeared, continue to hang on to us via this lovable quirk. I put it to you that if you hear the speakers of cockney today, you'll know exactly what I mean. In the interim, just listening in any random group of Jamaicans can give cause to smile quietly, for truly "Out of Many We Are One," race is not what links us - like that teacher who was caught from the minute she opened her mouth- ethnicity is.

What if?

Its easy to fill ones imaginings with questions regarding a chosen path. If I had done this then maybe this could have been avoided; if I had not been so impetuous regarding this then maybe I would not be where I am now; this could have happened if I had only done this, if, if, if.

A debate that my husband and I always have is whether there is a divine plan to everything as is my belief, or as he recommends that there is a blueprint for ones pathway but because God has given everyone free will the choices that one makes dictates the outcome of one's life. But this is an unending source of discussion because if you made a choice and ended up at point X then maybe this was where you should have been - right according to plan!!

"... no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."