Friendship Redifined

The other day I was remarking to someone that I thought I might have recently offended another person. But further in the conversation it occurred to me that I could check a popular social networking website to which I am a member to see if I was still on that person’s friends list. By that point in the conversation the person that I was speaking with was convulsing with laughter and right then the truth in the absurdity of what I was saying hit me like a ton of bricks, Facebook and MySpace are at the helm of a quiet revolution that is redefining the contemporary parameters of the word “friendship” as we know it.

Take this for example; someone else once spoke about being sent a friend request again on a social networking website, by a co-worker who was really just an acquaintance. That individual then was forced to either let this person have access to the private details of his life that a co-worker would not ordinarily have access to, or ignore the friend request. He decided to do the latter but his distress was compounded when the co-worker, several days after not getting an accepting friend correspondence, came to him to enquire as to the matter. Well needless to say, I’m sure the office became a less friendly place when an explanation along the lines of ….”I’m just not that into you,” was given.

Another person spoke of feeling very awkward about a friend request that he had gotten from an ex-girlfriend who had been very deceptive all during their relationship. Though it had been several years since the relationship had ended and both of them had moved on, he was conflicted as to whether he wanted to allow this murky figure from his past to have such a familiarity with his new and improved life.

Also, sometimes on those websites hackers disguise viruses as friend requests as that appeals to some people’s vanity. You see, all types belong to these networks including those who it seems are in a race to add to their friends lists in some sort of rabid popularity contest gone awry mode; the premise being, the more friends the more worthy thus these people become quick fodder for scams when they befriend a frienemy.

More than that, I have been privy to persons having to explain who they are and where they know an individual from when a friend request comes back with questions like, “who are you again!” At that point I believe you should cut your loses and move on, clearly a friend you are not, if they have no recall of your existence. On the other end of the spectrum, there are those who develop a running online dialog with persons after receiving their friend request but do not acknowledge same. Maybe they are worried that the seeker might disapprove or be horrified by the intimate details of their life so they ignore the olive branch of new age friendship that is being waved their way. I tell you it is all so complicated.

At this point I am not sure what the current definition of friend is, given these new friendship factors. All I can do is to figure that the people who you can call in the middle of the night and disturb their sleeping baby when you are in a bind, are your friends. Those who don’t laugh at your hatred of your middle name are your friends; those sounding board listeners who don’t judge your idiosyncrasies are your friends and those who you haven’t seen in ten years but can pick up where you last left off without pauses in the conversation being uncomfortable, are your friends. Who knows, maybe the traditional definition has not really changed, instead maybe it has evolved with the times. Selah.